関税

解説

付記

人間の魂の敵は嘆いていた―― 石炭の値段の高さに。 地獄は近頃「南部の主権州」として併合され、 燃料をただで得られるはずだ、と彼は思った。 「だが不当なる関税のせいで 私は節約を強いられている。 焼き台のどれもが半生焼け―― これでは悪魔の面目も立たぬ。 私はきっちり火を通したいのに、 正直な熱を買う余裕もない。 この関税は悪魔にすら不正をさせる！ 私は破滅した―― 卑しい商売は誰もが侵し、 新聞は私以上に硫黄臭を放ち、 法廷は私の嘘を逆用し、 医者は私の薬を使って獲物を生かし、 説教師どもは行いで私を真似し、 政治家どもは私を真似て 破れる以上の約束をする。 この競争に私はかき消され、 訴えても無視される。 ならば――ホーキー・ポーキーに誓って！―― 聖人になってやろう！」 ところが聖人ぞろいの共和党が猛反発。 激しい論戦が起き、 民主党は一時、政権奪還の望みを抱いた。 だが混乱を避けるため、 両陣営は手を結んだ。 神聖なる関税をゆるめるのは「罪」ゆえに、 最終的な妥協はこうだった―― 堕ちゆく魂ひとつごとに、 無力な地獄へ転げ込むごとに、 その悪魔へ「補助金」を払うのだ。 ―― エダム・スミス

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Original

A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

Additional notes

The Enemy of Human Souls Sat grieving at the cost of coals; For Hell had been annexed of late, And was a sovereign Southern State. It were no more than right, said he, That I should get my fuel free. The duty, neither just nor wise, Compels me to economize— Whereby my broilers, every one, Are execrably underdone. What would they have?—although I yearn To do them nicely to a turn, I can't afford an honest heat. This tariff makes even devils cheat! I'm ruined, and my humble trade All rascals may at will invade: Beneath my nose the public press Outdoes me in sulphureousness; The bar ingeniously applies To my undoing my own lies; My medicines the doctors use (Albeit vainly) to refuse To me my fair and rightful prey And keep their own in shape to pay; The preachers by example teach What, scorning to perform, I teach; And statesmen, aping me, all make More promises than they can break. Against such competition I Lift up a disregarded cry. Since all ignore my just complaint, By Hokey-Pokey! I'll turn saint! Now, the Republicans, who all Are saints, began at once to bawl Against his competition; so There was a devil of a go! They locked horns with him, tete-a-tete In acrimonious debate, Till Democrats, forlorn and lone, Had hopes of coming by their own. That evil to avert, in haste The two belligerents embraced; But since 'twere wicked to relax A tittle of the Sacred Tax, Twas finally agreed to grant The bold Insurgent-protestant A bounty on each soul that fell Into his ineffectual Hell. Edam Smith