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サリー・アン・スプラージ嬢は自ら進んで、 放浪のイギリス貴族と結婚した。 夫を父の屋敷に住まわせたが―― 父スプラージ翁は「ドロー（賭博の一種）」で財を築いた男。 義父となった老遊び人に、婿は相応しくなかった。 若さの愚行をやめた後、今度は老いの悪徳にどっぷり浸かっていたからだ。 金の無心が続き、ついに翁は破産。 今度は「貴族ビジネス」で取り返そうとした。 アメリカ流の服を捨て、格子柄の派手な服に身を包み、 髭をそり落とし、耳には禍々しいもみあげを残した。 首には真っ赤な化粧を塗り、上から艶出しをかけた。 片眼鏡をかけては、遠い来世を見つめるふりをする。 頭には山高帽、足には奇妙な靴。 発音から“ア”を消し、Hをばら撒く。 こうして「ロード・スプラージ」となった翁は再起を狙った。 だが運命は違う結末を用意していた。 なんと、娘であるレディ・キャッドが―― 父に恋をしてしまったのだ！ ―― G.J.

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Original

In American society, an English tourist above the state of a costermonger, as, lord 'Aberdasher, Lord Hartisan and so forth. The traveling Briton of lesser degree is addressed as "Sir," as, Sir 'Arry Donkiboi, or 'Amstead 'Eath. The word "Lord" is sometimes used, also, as a title of the Supreme Being; but this is thought to be rather flattery than true reverence.

Additional notes

Miss Sallie Ann Splurge, of her own accord, Wedded a wandering English lord— Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw," A parent who throve by the practice of Draw. Lord Cadde I don't hesitate to declare Unworthy the father-in-legal care Of that elderly sport, notwithstanding the truth That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth; For, sad to relate, he'd arrived at the stage Of existence that's marked by the vices of age. Among them, cupidity caused him to urge Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge, Till, wrecked in his fortune, that gentleman saw Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw, And took, as a means of augmenting his pelf, To the business of being a lord himself. His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed And sacked himself strangely in checks instead; Denuded his chin, but retained at each ear A whisker that looked like a blasted career. He painted his neck an incarnadine hue Each morning and varnished it all that he knew. The moony monocular set in his eye Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye. His head was enroofed with a billycock hat, And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat. In speech he eschewed his American ways, Denying his nose to the use of his A's And dulling their edge till the delicate sense Of a babe at their temper could take no offence. His H's—'twas most inexpressibly sweet, The patter they made as they fell at his feet! Re-outfitted thus, Mr. Splurge without fear Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career. Alas, the Divinity shaping his end Entertained other views and decided to send His lordship in horror, despair and dismay From the land of the nobleman's natural prey. For, smit with his Old World ways, Lady Cadde Fell—suffering Caesar!—in love with her dad! G.J.